Masturbation/Porn and Levels of Consciousness

I found the map of consciousness calibrations from David H. Hawkins’ book “Power vs. Force” very interesting and I think it can be a useful tool. I haven’t read the book yet but I hope to soon.

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I recently found another chart that gives the level of consciousness of various ideas, statements, people, organizations, activities, countries, books, and movies. I don’t know if I accept all of the ratings: very different ratings were given to things that seem to have a lot in common, and very high ratings were assigned to people of high worldly position.

I couldn’t find “masturbation” on the chart but I did find “pornography”, “prostitution”, and “hedonism”, which were rated 100, 140, and 180 respectively. I’m not clear about how the words were used here: I don’t know if “pornography” refers to viewing or producing the material (or both), I’m unsure if “prostitution” means being a customer or provider (or both), and I’m uncertain about the exact behaviors/attitudes that are being referred to by “hedonism”. I think masturbation would be around 125 to 100 because it wastes time, energy, health, and nutrients, it is driven by lust/addiction and the resulting dissipation/degradation could lead one to fall even lower to fear, grief, apathy, guilt, and shame, conditions I was all too familiar with as a chronic masturbator in my teens and 20s.

Masturbation and porn probably have nothing to do with the higher levels of consciousness (200 and above).

To raise one’s level of consciousness they should stop doing things that are low consciousness (e.g. masturbation or viewing porn) and start doing things that are high consciousness (e.g. praying, reading spiritual books, listening to good music, helping people).

Meditating Three Hours a Day

Yesterday I started meditating three hours a day. I did two 90 minute sits, one after waking and one in the afternoon. It was very difficult sitting for 90 minutes at a time, the longest I sat before was 80 minutes. My mind was slightly calmer but I didn’t notice any dramatic effects. I plan to add one more 60 or 90 minute session before I go to bed to make my total daily sitting time 4 or 4.5 hours.

Also important is keeping “nomind” for the rest of the day and not thinking about the past or future or getting carried away with interesting stuff on the internet.

I plan to do a home meditation retreat in the next few weeks where I am sitting six or more hours a day. I really want to make some meditation progress. I’ve been meditating almost daily for 15+ years with little noticeable progress and even a vegan diet and nofap/celibacy didn’t seem to help much in this area. I’ve been reading stories and watching videos of people describing their spiritual experiences and I’m inspired by them and happy for them, but I’m also envious and frustrated at my own lack of progress. I searched YouTube for phrases like “my enlightenment story” and watched the videos of normal-looking people–not monks or yogis–describing incredible spiritual experiences. I really want to have a similar experience so I plan to increase my sitting time and get much more serious about meditation.

Started weight training again

I wasn’t able to lift weights for a few months due to a shoulder injury. I did simple martial arts workouts instead but my muscles were getting weaker. Due to the injury I can’t do upper body push movements but I can still do pulling movements like chin ups and dumbbell rows. I can also deadlift. I really hope this injury goes away as I want to reach a good level of muscle and strength while I still have the testosterone.

Waking up early

I always had difficulty waking up early. But for the past 3 or 4 days I woke up at around 5 am and slept at 8 or 9 pm. I didn’t take any naps either. This was without drinking coffee; coffee doesn’t seem to help me stay awake although I like the taste. Controlling my sleeping schedule feels awesome. After waking up early I meditated, cooked proper meals, cleaned, and it was still early morning.

This might not be much of an accomplishment for a lot of people, but for me it was great. Even with years of nofap I had difficulty controlling my sleep schedule.

I had to stay up all night yesterday so I think my sleep schedule is messed up again. But I will try to get back to waking up early. If I am able to keep my new schedule I think I will basically have my act together. I think waking up early or being able to control your sleeping hours is as important as sexual self control to health and self-improvement.

Brain fog, Body fog

Since childhood, I suffered from brain fog and body fog. This was even before I started masturbating at age 16. My mind never felt very sharp, clear, or energetic when I was young. I read a lot of novels but beyond that my mind was mediocre, sloppy, lazy, and shallow. My body fog symptoms included dyspraxia, weak/slow muscles, and drowsiness. I also had frequent nosebleeds that would last for minutes.

The fogs worsened drastically after I started masturbating, I was rendered a semi-invalid. I couldn’t focus on any text beyond magazines, comic books, and novels. I never improved in running or weights despite regular training, and I was extremely passive, shy and lacking in social confidence. In addition, a fog in one area would affect not just that area but also the other aspects of my functioning.

I didn’t make progress in anything in my teens or 20s; in fact I degenerated. I studied a useless social science at university and my grades were not good enough for a decent grad school so I didn’t even apply. My muscle mass and lifts never went beyond beginner level despite years of sporadic training. I was too shy and scared to work at a job related to my major so I took dead-end office jobs where I didn’t learn anything and got bullied by middle-aged men. I had no real friends or girlfriend although I desperately wanted them.

After I quit masturbating, the fogs slowly lifted. I was fully celibate for 3 or 4 years before the brainfog started clearing. I think daily meditation helped a lot in clearing the brain fog. The body fog (dyspraxia/weakness/drowsiness) lifted relatively quickly, in about a year.

I don’t know why I had those fogs in the first place. Were they from some tangible cause like malnutrition or loss of blood? Or were they a part of the “bad energy” package I received from intergenerational or past life karma. With celibacy and a decent lifestyle, I am working to be free of them for good.

11 years of nofap, 1.5 years of celibacy, unrelated ramble

It’s been almost 11 years since I started nofap. I’ve also been celibate for the past year and a half. I don’t even want to masturbate or look at porn.
I am noticing some physical aging despite nofap/celibacy, regular exercise, and a near-vegan diet. There’s been some hair loss/greying and wrinkling of skin. I am ok with this, I did not choose this lifestyle to look young or impressive. Even my weight training focused on function, not appearance.

I started meditating again about a month ago for about an hour a day and sometimes more. But there’s been no noticeable “progress”. I will increase my sitting time to two hours a day.
I haven’t been bowing regularly due to laziness.

I intend to stick with nofap for the rest of my life and I don’t think it will be hard. But I don’t know if celibacy is for me. Maybe celibacy is for people who had relatively full and good lives in the world but decided to move on to higher things.

The following is just an unrelated ramble I wrote showing where I’m at philosophically:

when faced with a problem, i won’t look for “solutions” anymore.

i won’t try to improve myself until i feel the confidence to face a problem. i won’t try to get richer, better-educated, more witty, cooler, or more muscular and come back to try another day. this was my approach in the past and all of my improvements were marginal at best. i think this method is cowardly and foolish. in addition, i’m getting old and no longer even have the time to “improve” myself that much.

i will still try to work hard in everyday life, do my best, and all that. but i won’t try to get courage from any abilities i may have.

from now on i will face problems directly, nakedly, with only my spirit, and if i die, i die.

Started bowing again

Today I did 108 bows for the first time in about six months. It wasn’t too hard although the first 20 or so bows were clumsy. I felt a sense of accomplishment and good energy after I completed all 108 bows. Although I feel good after lifting weights or running, completing a bowing session seems to have a different feeling that is more mental, emotional and spiritual.

I think I need to bow daily because it is one of the few activities of the day where I am almost surely creating positivity in my life. Daily bowing will also help me maintain my flexibility, coordination, and leg strength, which have decreased due to missed workouts and inactivity. This is just speculation but I think a person who bows a lot every day while living a clean, simple life will eventually have a good healthy body, high intelligence, a good character, good relationships, a good environment, and overall good fortune.